Updated: Mar 2, 2019
Most of us are familiar with the Gluteus Family: Maximus, the biggest; Medius, a little
smaller; and Minimus, the smallest Gluteus. They’re something like Goldilocks’ three Bears. They work together to keep us standing up straight, and from rolling to the side when we sit down. Lately, however, an imposter has been spotted...Gluteus Falsimus.
Countless numbers of people work out quite earnestly to tighten up and firm the “glutes.” Some even work out to provide themselves with a bit more booty, a bubble butt, or more junk in the trunk. There are those, however, who make the decision that they want to twerk without the work.
Most “Butt Jobs” involve the insertion of silicone or saline-filled pouches under the skin. Gaining popularity, though, are BBLs, Brazilian Butt Lifts. In this procedure, the surgeon sucks fat out of different parts of your body and injects it into your rear end.
In either case, getting a fake booty will cost you anywhere from $5,000 to $15,000. For that much money, you’d best be ready to show it off. The same goes for any other body part augmentations. Breast implant buyers are disappointed if they aren’t noticed. Men like to show off their chest implants. Liposuction gets rid of your beer belly.
I’m not saying that these folks should be “shamed” for wanting to look better. That’s their choice. The problem arises when people with a Gluteus Falsimus try to pass it off as a result of their hard work and exercise. GFs are easy to spot in the gym, where shorts or yoga tights can reveal that something’s “just not right.” This is like someone wanting to be praised for a beautiful sculpture they claim to have created when, in fact, they bought it online from GreekGoddessStatues.com.
Building your own “Gluteus Gorgeous” isn’t that difficult, and when you see the results, you can proudly call it your own work. A simple exercise is to lie on your back with your knees bent and your feet planted firmly on the floor. Now, push your hips up to the ceiling and tighten your glutes as much as you can. Slowly lower your hips back to the floor and repeat as many times as you can. You will immediately feel what it’s doing to your bum.
Another simple exercise is called the “Seat Squat.” This exercise really works the glutes. To do the seat squat, stand in front of a chair, roll your shoulders back, push your chest out and lift your chin. Your feet should be shoulder-width apart. Slowly sit down into the chair until your butt barely touches the seat, and then slowly rise to a standing position. Do this as many times as you can. You’ll soon have saved $15,000 in butt lift surgery.
Again, I’m not trying to call out folks who’ve chosen to have work done. Self-esteem can be gained in many ways. What is disconcerting is the number of people who come to the gym and credit the beauty of their Gluteus Falsimus to hard work and exercise. Those working on their bodies the old fashioned way can spot the falsies.